You’re So Vain — Carly Simon
#365Songs: September 10th
Son of a gun
You walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye
Your scarf it was apricot
You had one eye in the mirror, as you watched yourself gavotte
And all the girls dreamed that they’d be your partner
They’d be your partner and
You’re so vain
You probably think this song is about you
I have a few family members who drop hateful, discriminatory, and aggressively ignorant Facebook posts that demonize, shame, or make invisible at least a portion of their followers. It’s always either pro-Trump or an extreme expression of religiosity that minimizes anyone who doesn’t abide by that one fictional interpretation of “God.”
You know that person. We all do. They’re the ones who always post, in parentheses or underneath their hateful verbal vomit, “Not going to argue with anyone,” or, “This isn’t a fight, so any negative comments will be deleted.”
And that’s exactly how we got to this moment of uncorrected ‘false truths’ and the ‘ignorance is blissness’ that now dominates American culture.
Two days ago, one of my family members — who is most guilty of this behavior — posted a copy/paste “Someone asked me why I like Trump” dumpster of falsehoods. She contributed not a single original thought to the 28 reasons why everyone should vote for Trump — every single one of which is rooted in misinformation.
On a sobering note, this chainmail masterpiece of Orwellian nonsense is the perfect sociological study into the minds of all those lost to the cult of Trump. Many are long gone, a hopeless cause, but perhaps there are still a few lurking within who can still be swayed.
So here’s a plea to my Trump-loving family and friends to reconsider their vote. One copy-and-paste point at a time.
“I don’t always agree with Trump’s delivery of statements even though his opponents are brutal to him.”
If by “opponents,” they mean judges, juries, journalists reporting facts, former friends, employees, and cabinet officials, foreign leaders and dignitaries, high-ranking military generals, and several family members, then yeah, sure. Everyone is out to get him. Unfair!
Just as with “grab’em by the pussy,” the cult member fails to digest not just the intent, substance, or target of his messages, but also the complete lack of character required to speak in this manner. Not to mention the complete absence of critical thinking skills required to apply this behavior to other allegations against him. I don’t know, like maybe that one time a jury found him liable for $5m in damages for sexual abuse and defamation in the E. Jean Carroll case, the $83.3 million in damages for defaming her again, the 34 felonies a jury of his peers convicted him for in the Stormy Daniels hush money case — the same charge he was giddy about when his fixer and long-time friend Michael Cohen (legit humans don’t have fixers unless they’re running a film production) was imprisoned a few years earlier — the at least 26 other women who have accused him of sexual aggression, the countless photos of him ogling young girls alongside convicted predator Jeffrey Epstein, and the many other disturbing sexual comments he’s made about his own daughter.
Copy and paste this (insert here, insert here, insert here) factual breakdown for every other topic in which he’s purportedly been “treated poorly, more poorly than any other President.”
2. But this election is not about choosing the most likable person. We are voting between two vastly different ideologies. We are voting for the country we want to leave our children and grandchildren.
Agreed! The choice is simple: a prosecutor or a felon, a career-long civil servant or an insurrectionist, a woman of color raised by a middle class family who earned her way to California Attorney General, Senator, and the Vice Presidency or a born-in-privilege man-child grifter who took advantage of a rigged system to skip out on taxes while ripping off his most loyal cult followers by hocking Bibles, trading cards, inedible steaks, and a for-profit education (for which he was once again found guilty by a federal court for defrauding students).
If you’re looking for your children and grandchildren to live in a divided country run by a Fascist dictator (his word, not mine) who vows to end health insurance, Social Security, Medicare, lower taxes for the wealthiest (those who copy and pasted the original post, is that you?), add tariffs that’ll raise prices on your Walmart purchases (we all know where you shop, and who makes what you buy), and imprison anyone who has ever spoken out against him, then yes, Trump’s your guy.*
*If your children or grandchildren are queer, mixed race, pregnant, raped, at risk during pregnancy, non-Christian, disabled, economically disadvantaged, living in a city or a Blue state, they’ll one day find your MAGA hat, flag, trading card, or frozen steak and blame you for the torturous consequences of your vote.
3. Trump represents that future and has proven that he can deliver. He is a patriot to the core and even served his country for 4 years without pay.
Ha! Trump turned down his $400,000 annual salary in exchange for the $2.4 billion in revenue he generated through businesses he should’ve divested from — often housing foreign dignitaries and government officials within his properties. What a patriot, this man who skipped the Vietnam draft five different times while faking an injury (those feisty bone spurs) and who spawned five children, all of whom are old enough to serve in the military (all of whom have declined). What a patriot, this man who was the first President to not oversee the peaceful transfer of power, this man who encouraged a mob to storm the Capitol, who encouraged violence and spread an irreversible distrust in the American voting system (all of which is documented, recorded, or hosted on Twitter’s servers), this man who violated the sanctity of Arlington National Cemetery, who mocks at captured soldiers and calls weak those who sustained injuries on duty.
He’s proven he can deliver hatred, division, and Guinness Book of World Records-length stream-of-consciousness speeches filled with falsehoods, name-calling, and petty grievances — without once uttering a single coherent policy point or positive thought.
4. That moment when someone says, “I can’t believe you’re voting for Trump”. I simply reply, “I’m NOT voting for Trump.” I’m voting for the First Amendment and freedom of speech. I’m voting for the right to speak my opinion and not be censored.
Ooh, I love this one. This would be completely true but for the book banning, truth smearing, anti-flag burning (he wants to imprison you for one year, even though it’s protected by this same amendment), censorship of media (he refers to mainstream news organizations as “enemy of the people”), and his own endless stream of frivolous defamation suits against anyone who speaks poorly of him. Aside from that, yeah, he’s your guy.
It should be said you’re being a bit passive aggressive here, cultist, and maybe there’s hope for you yet: “I’m NOT voting for Trump,” “I don’t always agree with Trump’s delivery,” etc… That emotion you’re feeling is shame. It’s ok. We all feel it: that’s called your conscience, and it’s trying to tell you something.
5. I’m voting for secure borders and LEGAL immigration. I am voting for election integrity to include mandatory voter ID. (Why would anyone vote against this?)
Fact is, election fraud is rare. In 2020, Trump challenged voter fraud in six states. Out of 25 million votes, there were 475 incidents — including a few high profile cases that involved (gasp) Trump supporters!
As for secure borders, your cult leader Trump demanded Republicans block a popular bill to enhance his chances for election. He doesn’t care about the border, immigration, or a ridiculous wall. He cares that you care, and if you believe he cares, you’ll vote for him, and that’s all he cares about. And let’s be honest with each other: if he cared so much, why does he lean so heavily on undocumented workers at his golf clubs, properties, and restaurants?
6. I’m voting for the Second Amendment and my right to defend my life and my family.
The Democrats have held the Presidency for 12 of the last 16 years, including a few during which they owned a majority in all three houses. If we were taking away your guns, it would’ve happened by now.
7. I’m voting for the police to be respected once again.
So am I. That’s why I’m voting for a former Attorney General and prosecutor, and the only of the two candidates who didn’t incite violence that led to 140 officer injuries on January 6th, 2021.
8. I am voting for law & order and an end to allowing protesters to trespass and burn our cities, destroying innocent small businesses.
I say this with a fair bit of confidence, given who copied and pasted this original post, and those who commented on it: you don’t live in cities. If you’re voting for Trump, and you’re spreading this thoughtful nonsense, you statistically don’t go anywhere near cities. I also suspect you’re more likely to shop at Walmart than a Mom and Pop shop, that you frequent corporate restaurants, and that most of your purchases are manufactured in the countries Trump is promising to tariff. So maybe do yourself a favor and rethink this one.
As for protestors trespassing, remind me what happened on January 6th, 2021? Whose idea was that again? I forgot.
9. I am voting for personal responsibility and the end of the revolving door where criminals are being put back on the street.
By criminals, are you referring to convicted felon Donald Trump? Those he pardoned, like Paul Manafort, Roger Stone, Michael Flynn, Peter Navarro, Rick Gates, Steve Bannon, or George Papadopoulos? Are you referring to any of the Trump Corporation employees who have served time, like Michael Cohen or CFO Allen Weisselberg?
You know what they say: you’re judged by the company you keep.
As for personal responsibility, I agree! I vote for that, too. So tell me, please: when’s the last time Trump apologized? When’s the last time he admitted fault or expressed any vulnerable sign of growth? Let me know. There’s only two months until the election, so hurry up. I’ll be waiting.
10. I’m voting for the next Supreme Court Justice(s) to protect the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.
Ha! Once again, we agree on something. I’m also voting for the candidate who will protect the Constitution rather than the candidate who appoints Justices to serve his own best interests — those working hard to ensure he’s above the law and protected from facing consequences for his actions. I’m voting for the candidate who will appoint Justices who consider every American, not just those who’ll serve only your interests — 35% of us are not Christian.
11. I’m voting for a return of our troops from foreign countries and the end to America’s involvement in foreign conflicts.
Mmhm. Mmhm. Ditto. So we agree that it was good we left Afghanistan, even if it wasn’t a flawless exit (a promise Trump made but didn’t deliver upon). And that we should stop funding Israel’s genocide. And that we should vote for the diplomatic candidate rather than the one who woos over the world’s most reviled leaders while agitating our most loyal allies.
12. I’m voting for the Electoral College and for the Republic in which we live.
YES! See? We’re getting somewhere. We agree that we shouldn’t vote for the candidate who refused to accept the legitimate results of the 2020 election, who didn’t call Georgia officials in search of 11,700 votes, who didn’t bully his Vice President to reject the certification of the Electoral College results, who hasn’t said “if you vote this time, you’ll never have to vote again,” and who hasn’t implied a desire to serve as a long-term dictator.
There’s still time to change your mind, cultist. He’ll turn on you as soon as you don’t matter to him, a fact he’s proven every time.
13. I’m voting for the continued appointment of Federal Judges who respect the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.
Remind me again the last time a Democrat overturned a constitutional right? I think you’re gonna be just fine on this one. And really, y’all don’t really think the Democrats have the courage to play dirty, right? You know, the way McConnell flip flopped on the whole “you can’t appoint a new Justice so close to the election” comment.
14. I’m voting for keeping our jobs to remain in America and not be outsourced all over the world — to China, Mexico and other foreign countries.
Y’all need to take an Economics or Statistics course because this one is just too easy to research on your own. Given that this bothers you so much, I’m sure you never purchase products made outside of America, and never bitch about the cost of products not manufactured with overseas slave labor. You’d never do that, right?
15. I am voting for doing away with all of the freebies given to all of the illegals and not looking after the needs of the American citizens and homeless veterans.
Sigh. Ok. I’m tired. Are we talking about “Obama phones” again? I can’t keep up with you people.
16. I’m voting for the military & the veterans who fought for this country
Yep yep yep. Me too. It’s why I don’t bitch about the taxes I pay and demand that those who make over $1m a year pay their fair share and why the corporate tax rate should go up. That way we can ensure that we cover education, healthcare, and mental health benefits for veterans.
17. I’m voting to keep men out of women’s sports.
Oh, are you? I’m sure you’re not reading this post right now because you’re binge watching that women’s volleyball game on ESPN 14. Admit you don’t care about women’s sports and never have, that this isn’t at all about competition.
18. I’m voting for peace progress in the Middle East.
Good! So we agree that we should stop funding Israel’s genocide. PROGRESS!
See? This is why you should rethink that “not going to argue with anyone” part of your Facebook posts.
19. I’m voting to fight against human/child trafficking.
Uh, aren’t we all? Good thing we have a prosecutor on the ballot up against that other guy who spent a whole lot of time with Epstein.
20. I’m voting for Freedom of Religion.
Me too! Me too! So you’re finally cool with Muslims gathering the football team for a quick prayer? For the queer tarot reading at the local park? For the removal of “God” from the Pledge of Allegiance? Love it. Damn, at this rate we’ll be family again in no time.
21. I am voting for the return of teaching math, history, and science instead of the indoctrination of our children.
Oh, wait. What? It’s interesting that you say this because students in Blue states scored significantly higher in math, science, and reading than Red states. In fact, the states ranked 30th — 50th for least educated states ALL voted for Trump. So it’s a good thing that the alternative candidate has committed to more school funding and higher salaries for teachers.
22. I’m not just voting for one person. I’m voting for the future of my Country.
Good point. So perhaps that’s the perfect reason to NOT vote for the most narcissistic candidate in American history, the one who puts himself above his country, and who has challenged the future of Democracy to serve his own self interests — and fears.
23. I’m voting for my children and my grandchildren to ensure their freedoms.
Yep. Same same. It’s so important apparently we needed to say it twice.
24. America is the greatest country in the world, hence why everyone wants to immigrate here. So why do you want to change it?
Hm. Only one candidate carries the slogan, “Make America Great Again,” which implies that it’s no longer great. So perhaps you should ask yourself this question: why do you want to change it?
25. Why do politicians want to enact policies that have failed in other countries throughout history?
Good question. Fascism HAS failed in other countries: Hitler, Mussolini, Franco. And history doesn’t look fondly upon those dictators who rigged their own elections: Putin, Jung Un, al-Assad, Gaddafi, Hussein. Let’s not make that mistake.
26. I’m not voting for Trump. I’m voting for America.
I’m also not voting for Trump! Excellent news. Saying it out loud is the start of leaving the cult, so you did it! (is this where we chant, “USA USA USA?”)
27. Copied and pasted, keep it going
All snarks and jokes aside, there’s nothing funny about what’s happened within the Republican Party over the past eight years. Trump might make you laugh with his childish nicknames and nasty phrases, but he’s also made clear that if re-elected he’ll end Democracy in favor of his own power grab — all while seeking revenge against everyone who wronged him.
That’s not America, and this is not you. Please, please, please try to take an objective look at Trump over the next few weeks. Listen to what he says, not how he says it. And if you still vote for him, still wear his cult attire, and celebrate his next insurrection, you’re on the wrong side of history. It won’t end well for you.
“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” — Anne Lamott
You’re so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You’re so vain
Probably think this song about you
You’re so vain
~
Start following the #365Songs playlist today, and listen to each new song with each new article!
