Sullen Girl—Fiona Apple
#365Songs: December 23rd
Days like this, I don’t know what to do with myself
All day and all night
I wander the halls along the walls
And under my breath, I say to myself
“I need fuel to take flight”
The #MeToo movement went viral in October 2017. A true reckoning followed, ultimately ending the careers of serial rapists like Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein, and beginning the canceling of other aggressors from comedians like Louis C.K. to other business execs, government officials, celebrity chefs, and actors. It was a big moment a long time coming, and it came less than a year after a predator sued multiple times for sexual assault was inaugurated into the world’s most powerful position.
And then, the aggressors reconsolidated in the name of religion to roll back a woman’s most fundamental right to body autonomy. And then, after that insurrectionist and serial aggressor was convicted of 34 felonies and paid millions in damages in a sexual assault civil case, Americans decided to reward that same man with the presidency—ensuring that justice for his personal victims would never get paid.
Over the past month, Trump has nominated a series of sketchy characters, several of them with long track records of #MeToo worthy accusations — RFK Jr, Pete Hegseth, and of course, the one and only Matt Gaetz.
And let’s be clear about one thing: these accusations were not last minute surprises that surfaced in the final moments of vetting. Trump knew and did it anyway because that’s how power works in this country, and that’s exactly what he promised his millions of fragile male voters: an America where White men make the rules and can do whatever they choose.
And there’s too much going on
But it’s calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
Is that why they call me a sullen girl, sullen girl?
I meant to write today about something positive, hope in the cracks around darkness, but it wasn’t meant to be. After weeks of declining the release of their dire findings, the House Ethics Committee delivered their report two days before Christmas, the exact time of year when we’re least likely to pay attention.
It’s no surprise that what’s in there is bad. All it takes is one look at that privileged plastified Florida Man or to hear him speak for a moment to recognize him as the serial college date raper who haunted every dorm at every university in this country. Amongst details of paying out a hundred thousand dollars to a dozen women, we also learned that he paid $400 to a high school student who he’d provided with judgment-blurring drugs and with whom he had sex with twice. He was 35 at the time.
Listen, I expect Florida to elect men like Gaetz. That’s not surprising. But we were one vote away from him leading the entire Justice system. So to all those voters who downplayed Trump’s intentions, or blamed the media for demonizing Trump, or proselytized about his Jesus-like qualities, or chalked it all up to harmless locker room talk, this is on you.
They don’t know I used to sail the deep and tranquil sea
But he washed me ‘shore, and he took my pearl
And left an empty shell of me
And there’s too much going on
In preparation for this post, I revisited an old #MeToo playlist, all those songs from all those courageous women who wrote their assaults into their music, a blueprint to ensure we never again create a safe space for the least safe men. I was listening to Fiona Apple’s Sullen Girl, a very personal song about being raped as a 12-year-old, and then Spotify’s next recommendation was none other than Sun Kil Moon’s Carry Me Ohio, one of my favorites, but here’s the problem: lead singer songwriter Mark Kozelek was also MeToo’ed, also canceled, also accused of using his influence to aggress upon adoring female fans.
A reminder once again that algorithms are programmed by sociopaths and therefore behave like one, too.
About the song, Fiona Apple said, “When I was 12, I was raped by a stranger, and that’s what this song is basically about, because I felt like everybody in my life thought there was something wrong with me and it was just my wondering ‘was that what changed me? That was an experience that made me a lot stronger. It taught me a lot about who I am and life.”
How did we vote for this again? The man who overturned abortion, who appointed Brett Kavanaugh, who has his own storied history of criminal behavior, who promised us four or more years of vengeance. All for what? Lower prices (not gonna happen)? Stronger borders (doesn’t protect you from Matt Gaetz)? A takeover of Canada and Greenland (like, what’s that all about)? All those defunct manufacturing jobs (ain’t coming back)? Lower taxes (sorry, you’re not a billionaire)? Whatever your reason, however you justify, you just made this country more unsafe for every woman and girl you know. That’s on you. Go pray on that, America.
But it’s calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
It’s calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
~
Start following the #365Songs playlist today, and listen to each new song with each new article!
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